The surest sign that NHL season is upon us is when Ted Leonsis resumes blogging in short declarative sentences that, while literally just factual statements, are presented under a thinly veiled Snuggie of excuse making. The Caps lost 6-4 on Tuesday night to Chicago. Ted recapped the game by arranging factual declarations in a way that, if you know Ted at all, was nothing but whining about the unfairness of his Capitals being forced to play Chicago on opening night. If you're new to Ted you may not pick up on his tone, but give it a shot. All you need is the first three sentences:
I am glad that one is out of the way.Let's give this a spin in the GTOG Translator:
We lost to the defending Stanley Cup champs in Chicago 6 to 4. The game started at about 8:25 PM EST and didn't end til about 1100 PM EST.
Translation: "CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NERVE OF THE NHL TO MAKE US PLAY IN CHICAGO ON OPENING NIGHT?!?! IF WE MISS THE PLAYOFFS BY TWO POINTS, YOU BETTER BELIEVE I WILL WRITE IN THAT BLOG POST, 'We played Chicago on opening night. Other teams did not play Chicago on opening night.'"
Statement: "We lost to the defending Stanley Cup champs in Chicago 6 to 4."
Translation: "It is inherently unfair that we had to play the 'defending Stanley Cup champs in Chicago.' Why didn't the league make someone else play the defending Stanley Cup champs in Chicago? No excuses, but we played the defending Stanley Cup champs in Chicago."
Statement: "The game started at about 8:25 PM EST and didn't end til about 1100 PM EST."
Translation: "Not only did we have to play the defending Stanley Cup champs in Chicago on opening night -- something no other team had to do -- we also had to start the game at 8:25 PM EST. We are used to starting games at 7:10 PM EST. Making my players adjust to changing time zones is inherently unfair, and it reflects a bias against the Caps. Also, for some unknown reason, I feel the need to express time as either EST or EDT depending, of course, on whether it is standard time or daylight savings time. It is important that I do this. Other hockey blogs do not differentiate between standard and daylight savings time, and I feel that this confuses people. What also confuses people is that it is actually currently daylight savings time, not Eastern Standard Time. I was wrong, but it is still unfair."
Realizing how badly they screwed the Caps, the NHL sent Ted an official apology letter. GTOG has obtained a copy. This is an exclusive.