Saturday, April 13, 2013

Grind those bitches down; Pens pulverize Panthers, 3-1

By Artistry

There was not much to recommend tonight's Penguins game against the Florida Panthers. It was about as meaningless as it gets. Finesse barely paid attention, admittedly took a shower during the third period of a one-goal game, and is probably now at some hip bar wearing a nice, casual button-down shirt. Why am I bothering with this recap? Because I am married with children and lying in bed while my wife watches "I Want to Marry Ryan Banks" on the Hallmark channel.* You are the first star of our night, Jason Priestley. The second star?


- There can be no doubt at this point about what the acquisition of Brenden Morrow means to the Penguins. 2 goals, 1 assist, 4 penalty minutes, 3 hits, and 17 intense and unblinking stares in less than 15 minutes of ice time is a stat line that doesn't even do justice to what I expect will be a legend that may outshine Gary Roberts' by the time summer comes. This was less a hockey game than a body checking clinic by the Pens, and it's no stretch to say Morrow is now setting the tone for this team in Sidney Crosby's absence.

- Evgeni Malkin has a shoulder. Evgeni Malkin has a sunburn. Neither one of these statements is at all surprising.


- Beau Bennett looked fantastic playing his 4th line minutes tonight. What a weapon to have buried so deep in the lineup.

* OK, it was my idea. Jason Priestley stars as a reality-show Bachelor who believes his wife may be "in this room." But his special someone falls for Priestley's agent, played by Bradley Cooper. If you are reading this blog, don't try to tell me you're not on board with this.

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