Friday, June 15, 2012

Big Ben's Bassinet: And a Child Shall Lead Them

By Artistry

GTOG has been quiet lately.  Too quiet.  If this makes you feel a little unsettled, a little off your stride, you are not alone.  Much has happened over the last few weeks, and, frankly, it's turned our world upside down.   We're just trying to regroup and catch our breath.  I'm talking of course about Ben Roethlisberger leading a proud class of college students in a moving graduation ceremony, learning a new playbook that makes his final paper on Tibet look relatively simple if you can even imagine such a thing, and announcing that he and Ashley are expecting the birth of possibly the most important child in history, with all due respect to the Baby Jesus.

In an amazing stroke of good fortune, we had a GTOG source eavesdropping as Ben and Ashley sat down this week to discuss, for the very first time, possible names for Ben's son, a/k/a "The One", a/k/a "Seven, Part Deux."  Let's listen in, after the jump...

Ashley:  Oh, Ben, I can feel our little soldier saluting his daddy inside me. It's almost as if he's ready to just, you know, jump in and command the huddle already.

Ben:  I have no doubt. I have no doubt.

Ashley:  Have you given any more thought to what we talked about?

Ben: I have. As you know, sweetheart, I meditate on a great many issues on a daily basis.  Even if it looks like I'm sleeping or golfing or sitting out practice, I'm going through my mental reps.  Naming this child is not something I take lightly.

Ashley: Did you check out

Ben: You won't find the answer to this question on a website frequented by Tony Romo, Ash. The answer to this question is in here, over there, and up there.

Ashley:  In your heart, in the huddle, and with God?

Ben:  Bingo.

Ashley:  So what've you got?

Ben:  Major.  Major Roethlisberger.  It's got strength, it's got authority, it's got...what?

Ashley:  I don't know.  It's really great, hon, but don't you see kids teasing him with a name like that.  Saying, I don't know, "Hey, kid, I just went to the latrine and took a Major Roethlisberger."  That sort of thing.

Ben:  Kids can be cruel.  I have several backups.

Ashley:  Let's hear them.

Ben:  Napoleon.  Napoleon Roethlisberger.

Ashley:  You want him to sound French?

Ben:  Lord, no.

Ashley:  Then I think we need to rule that out, honey.

Ben:  Fine. Winston Churchill Roethlisberger.  'Tone came up with that one.

Ashley:  That's not bad, actually.

Ben:  A great American.

Ashley:  He was British.

Ben: Damn it, 'Tone!

Ashley: But I think I know what you're going for, Ben. I really do.

Ben:  JFK Roethlisberger?

Ashley: You want a name that conveys strength and...

Ben:  Julius Caesar Roethlisberger.  Chairman Mao Roethlisberger.

Ashley:  ....Leadership.

Ben:  Oh my goodness, Ashley.

Ashley:  What.

Ben:  You did it, honey. You did it!  It's so clear to me now.  Oh, thank you Lord.  Thank you to my men in the huddle for this inspiration.  Ashley, our son's name is Leadership.  Leadership Roethlisberger.

Ashley:  Oh, Ben, it's...

Ben:  I know. I know. Shhh. I know, Ash.  I know.  It's perfect.

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