Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Bachelor Episode 3 Recap: The Final Rose in Pictures

By Finesse

[Listen to the GTOG Podcast for an emotional recap of last night's episode]

Let's set the scene.  It's the Rose Ceremony.  Ben has already given out a dozen roses so many of the Women should feel safe.  But they don't feel safe.  They feel scared.  Vulnerable.  Threatened.  Why?  Because of Shawntell Newton, famous for being a contestant on "Brad's Season," who returned to the show unexpectedly because she felt there was a connection between her and Ben that needed further exploration.

Modern day Magellan.
The other Women, who had put in just over a week's worth of tears, eye glitter, and more tears did not appreciate Shawntell coming into their cocktail party -- THEIR COCKTAIL PARTY!!!! -- to see if those few text messages she exchanged with Ben were as meaningful to him as they were to her.

And so it came down to the Final Rose.  One Rose, three Women -- Erika, the law student; Jaclyn, the NFL quarterback; and Shawntell, the funeral director from "Brad's Season."  Let's let the 40+ pictures I took within the span of about 120 seconds tell the story.  After the jump, we pick up right after Erika heroically regrouped from her first fainting episode and get inside the Women's heads to reveal what they were really thinking...



"Nothing to see here! I'm normal! Just dehydrated, not insane.  Carry on."

"I SAID I'M NORMAL! I'M NOT CRAZY! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!"

"With Shawntell, I'm like, you're butt ugly."

"Mmmmm, Marlboros."

"I know what you all are feeling right now.  Drunk."

"Give me the rose.  Give me the rose.  Give me the rose."

"Ohmygod he's not giving me the rose. Ohmygod he's not giving me the rose.  Ohmygod he's not giving me the rose."

"I can't give out this final rose tonight. Because I've never met any of you three."

"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus."

"Deuteronomy! Deuteronomy!"

"Maybe this was a bad idea?"

"Whatever you do, don't make a crazy face."

"No crazy face, no crazy face, no crazy face..."

"Damn it! Why do I always do that?!?!"

"We could have had it aaaa-aalllllll, Rolling in the deeee-eeeep"

"I don't know where I'll be next season.  It's in management's hands."

"Fine, he wants crazy.  I'll give him crazy."

"I will kill you. I will actually make your heart stop beating."

"Look at my face! How can you not love THIS FACE!"

"What about my face?"


"Is that seriously her face?"


"The Sbarro's at LAX closes at 1:00am, I think."

"Yep."

"Aww, I'm so pretty."

"No, guys, it's ok. This is totally normal for me.  It's just that if I don't sit down right now I'm going to die."

"HELP ME SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I WILL F'ING KILL ALL OF YOUR FACES!"

"Ladies. Ben."

"Are you sure you want to get rid of all three of these psychos at once?"
"Chris, honestly, it's 4:30 in the morning, I just want to go to bed."

"Like, seriously, so pretty."

"Ladies, introduce yourselves to Ben, then say your goodbyes."

"Did I do enough to be the Bachelorette next season?"

"Ew don't throw up on my purse!"

"People are in serious danger! Like, people could die!  That would be so gross."

"Attention! Give me attention! Someone! Please!"

"SOMEONE GET SOME WATER!"
"ARE YOU ANEMIC!?!?!?"
"NO, ORANGE JUICE! GET ORANGE JUICE!"
"SAY THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS!"
"HEAD BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!"
"OH GOD SOMEONE DO SOMETHING! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!"

"I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!"
"LIKE, I JUST CAN'T."
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW! LIKE, I JUST CAN'T!"
"I MEAN, LIKE NO SERIOUSLY YEAH I DON'T KNOW I JUST CAN'T DO THIS!"

"Seriously, do you know how many Yankees I've slept with!! SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Like, seriously, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

"Hey."
"Hi."
"Soo, um."
"Yeah."

"That was such a good conversation!"

"Does that direct message I sent him on Twitter mean nothing!?!?!"

"Ok, so he doesn't like me. It doesn't mean we aren't in love."

"Wait, maybe the problem is that I didn't stalk him enough?"

"PANIC! EVERYONE PANIC!"

"I am so going to keep stalking him."

"Cheers!"

6 comments:

  1. Now this, this is Artistry.

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  2. There was a lot of panic in that room. Someone had to make sense of it all.

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  3. i figured out who monica looks like. michelle beadle

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  4. I'm a lurker on this site, but I have to say .... thank god you're back. This blog is the only thing that makes watching this season worth it. I suppose I could just turn off the TV and save myself a whole lot of time. But then I wouldn't have your blog. And that would be sad.

    Please say you'll be back for the Bachelorette this spring. Because without you, Emily's going to be very tough to take.

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