Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Bachelor Episode 1 Non-Recap: The Raw Notes

By Finesse

There is no time to do a complete recap of last night's Bachelor premiere, but I took copious notes and don't want them to go to waste.  If you want a slightly more refined recap, check out the raw emotion podcast and our comprehensive season preview.  But for this week only, check out the raw, unedited notes after the jump.


Ben would have regretted not proposing.  It was the follow through that mattered to him.
Lives in the Full House house. This is how he rebuilt his heart.  Works with his best friends.
Thinks about "personal growth, my discovery, myself."
Ben is still lacking that someone
Balcony scene supplemented with winery strolling.  Helicopter along the cliffs.  Piano music.  What a Rennaissance man.  Playing David Grey songs
Changed his shirt infinite times during the montage.  
Maybe the biggest balcony ever gazed from [picture]

"Exciting new season of the bachelor"
Introduces Ben's love with Ashley.
What an unreal pivot to the camera on the left by Chris H.
Overlooking the 25 women
1. Lindzi likes riding horses.  Old mouth. Lots of camera time. She'll be here for a while.
2. Amber T. from Nebraska shooting a shotgun. Much hotter on TV than publicity photo.  She wants Ben to eat cow balls (beef nuts).  THis is a huge setup for hometowns.  Watch out for her.
3. Kacie..hardcore southern accent. Underwhelming until the tears about her grandparents' notes to each other from the Army.  Shes ready to find somebody.  Holds a heart up to the sun.  Queue Ryan...

4. Courtney the model. "Not too concerned about the other girls."  Here's your Black Swan.  Nice eyes, mouth less so.
5. Jamie, works in maternity.  Should have said Maternity nurse.  Really out of her league so far.  Tough time in life...NO DAD, MOM WITH DEPENDENCY ISSUES. RAISED HER OWN SIBLINGS. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HUGE. 
6. Lyndsie with a British accent.  Not pretty.
7. Jenna is a writer. She writes about love and relationships. "the overanalyst" is her blog.  How does she support herself full time with a blog?  How does she afford all that bronzer?
8. Shawn is a mother. Another huge reveal.
9. Nicki is excited about meeting Ben.  Big time Texas accent.  When she was 18, she met someone and got married at 21.  Marriage failed.  She's divorced.  This woman is going home.


Back to Ben gazing. He is ready.  He has no expectations.
SHOCKING! The women like wine.
So many flowers surrounding Chris Harrison.  Looks like he's in a conservatory.
Ben emerges from the limo. Driveway as glossy as ever.  Ben clearly very nervous.
calling the ladies "women" this year. going to be a huge adjustment for us.
Chris Harrison with the non-question interview. "It takes a lot for a man to get down on one knee and propose."
Ben proclaims himself "available." Hope to hear the same about Lamar Woodley.
Chris asks about the father.  Going to be a really looming story.  Hummingbirds are the signal of his father.  Expect to see a lot of Hummingbirds, perhaps even Hummingbird hunting.

Ben is anxious and nervous.
Chris, "Let the journey begin"
1. Rachel, fashion sales rep NY. She's very tall.  Her middle name is Rose.
2. Erika. Has the body. Horrible joke to start. Not going to get any better.
3. Amber B. Ben really not impressed by her. She offers him a taste of bacon. GOODBYE!
4. Elyse, the personal trainer.
5. Jenna, the blogger. Really awkward silence, says she loves what Ben says, then screwed it up.. Ben not impressed.  Really tough to watch. Ben is a dullard.  "no game"
6. Courtney -- Ben really impressed with her physically.
7. Emily -- really tough to follow Courtney.
8. Samantha -- the pageant winner
9. Casey S. -- stunner. 
10. Amber T. -- Very cute
11. Holly -- hat from Kentucky, Ben not impressed at all, but does sneak peak at ass
12. Jamie -- 
13. Shira -- says she knows everything about wine, doesnt know the answer. horrible joke.  
14. Blakeley -- no personality at all, perfect for VIP waitress to stand in the background
15. Sheryl, 72 yo retiree...fell in love with Ben. Brings her granddaughter Brittney to see Ben. Tough to date a girl like that unless you're Ben Roethlisberger's size. 

----commercial--- after first 15, courtney and casey in the lead. samantha struggling.

16. Nicki -- Ben very impressed by her. Clearly a brunette man.
17. Dianna -- cant even talk right now.  Ben, of course, says well talk inside.  Why cant he say anything?
18. Jennifer -- gives a bunch of numbers
19. Lyndsie J -- reads in british accent. Ben not impressed.  He prefers dead silence.
20. Anna -- just walks right by not saying anything.  Best conversation Ben has had all night.
21. Monica -- misses her dog, presents that as a "confession"
22. Jaclyn -- short and simple, two hugs
23. Shawn -- bigger than the other girls. attractive.
24. Kacie B -- very pretty, comes off as too young. promises not to sugarcoat anything. ben promises not to say anything.
25. Lindzi C -- comes in on a horse. You don't do this unless you're going to be around a while. The favorite among the blondes.  Other ladies don't like this.  Women sizing each other up ... got stuck on Shawn.  


These ladies are getting DRUNK. Emily willing to do whatever it takes.

Courtney clearly there for the wrong reasons.  Impure.

Ben enters the house

Nicki thinks Ben is amazing.
Three "cheers" within 5 minutes.
First alone time is with Rachel. That means she gets a rose.

Nicki thinks Ben is so "real" and "genuine".  She's ready to open her life. Set up for failure? Protests too much.

Lindzi gets some one on one time.

Ben sits with the girl and her grandmother. Ben is literally saying nothing.  Brittney has some Veronica Vaughn to her. Grandma starts crying in the car.

Ominous sign for Ben. “@AmesBrown: It's so key to be able to hold a conversation. Marriage is forever which means a lot of conversations."

Theme of the night --- Ben is so boring.  He's no Brad Womack

Shawn with a near nipslip.
Blakeley: "one on one time with Ben is super important...this could be the beginning of my fairy tale"
Called the pushups with the trainer.  We know what we're doing.

Someone does a horrible rap ... we start thinking about how much better this season would be with Ames instead of Ben

Ben sits down with Courtney ... can't stop playing with her hair.  Brings up the travel aspect and how hard it is to be a model and travel the world.  This is not something that we can relate to.

Jenna is HAMMERED.

Monica starts to want to make out with Blakeley

What every guy is wondering is why Jenna cares?

Jamie secures a 1-on-1, rats out the conflict.  

Rachel having a hard time not laughing at Jenna. Jenna thinks Monica doesnt care about Ben. This makes Jenna cry, we don't really see the logic.  This also makes Jenna feel inferior.  Rachel the voice of reason, seems to get the joke.  We like that about Rachel.  Jenna is literally not saying anything when she confronts Monica.  Explains situation thusly... "maybe because youre a tampon sometimes."

Lindzi gets the first impression rose.  Not a surprise.

Blakeley: "Reality is setting in.  Girls are going to go home."

Huge rose ceremony coming up.  [my brother] "this is big right here"

Jenna crying in the bathroom.

Here's Ben.

his speech: "you still all look as stunning as ever" aka, before you got plastered over the past 2 hours.
i want this music playing at all times.
1. Jamie (backstory)
2. Rachel -- the adult of the bunch.  Seems to get the joke.
3. Blakeley (Monica claps). Cant win, ben may have just wanted to feel her hug him
4. Emily
5. Kacie B.
6. Casey S.
7. Brittney
8. Erica
9. Shawn (also wants the hug)
10. Nicki, Ben gives her a big smile. He likes her. Smitten.
11. Jennifer
[i like dianna but not the eye shadow]
12. Elyse
13. Samantha
14. Courtney
15. Jaclyn ... why????
16. Monica
[Ladies, Ben, final rose tonight. when you're ready. Chris cant stop smiling]
17. Jenna

Really disagree with some of his choices.  Dianna??? Amber T? 
How does Curtis Painter get a rose?  Samantha?  Did nothing.  Really a terrible performance by Ben, we question his judgment.

scenes from the next few weeks
an unreal amount of crying.


  1. GTOG - Thanks for being my go to Bachelor blog site

  2. I was watching with Eloquence last night and he pegged the crier as soon as she hit the couch in between twiddle tits and twiddle dum.

  3. We want full recaps next weeks :D Very good guys, I loved the postcast too.


  4. Please say you all are posting a full recap this week!
    Also, I think we need a more in depth look at our mutual Ames shout-outs.
    New Development: Weatherman is now following me. (Probably following you all too!)