"NFL quarterbacks are hot," Mrs. Artistry observed, as her husband flipped between football games on a recent Sunday. "Unusually hot."
"I don't think so," her husband replied. "Not a deep field."
And thus another of GTOG's Truly Great Ideas was born. Here, for the first time, Mrs. Artistry and Artistry's Mom join forces to rank 33 NFL quarterbacks based on whom in some alternate universe they'd like to kiss on New Year's Eve. [Disclaimer: These rankings are the Women of GTOG's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of GTOG or its sponsors. It is recommended that you seek independent advice before making any QB hotness ranking decisions.]
1. Tom Brady, New England Patriots
|"I own your team, your wife, and your mom."|
Artistry's Mom: "Hot."
Finesse: "WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?!?!"
2. Mark Sanchez, New York Jets
|"Look into my eyes while I throw this interception."|
Mrs. Artistry: "Hot."
Artistry's Mom: "Oh yeah."
Artistry: "Excuse me while I pour a bucket of cold water on my whole family."
Finesse: "Hell of a tan for what looks like a cloudy day."
3. Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers
|Was 4th before Brett Favre retired.|
Artistry's Mom: "Nice smile."
Artistry: "Great bangs."
Finesse: "He's in an abusive relationship with William Gay."
4. Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears
|Only Jay Cutler smile on record|
Artistry's Mom: "Nice smile. Cute."
Artistry: "Huge advantage to Cutler here because this picture doesn't show his frat boy haircut or his infamous pout/scowl. In terms of ranking QB hotness, this is what I would refer to as a false positive."
Finesse: "Looks like he has too many bottom teeth."
5. Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers
|His dad asked for $120K just to let Cam be on this list.|
Artistry's Mom: "Ooooh."
Artistry: "From the center of an NCAA scandal to #5 on Women of GTOG's QB hotness list. A meteoric rise."
Finesse: "Can we get that sound your mom made on tape?"
Numbers 6-33, plus lessons learned on NFL QB attractiveness, or lack thereof, after the jump...