Friday, October 28, 2011

The Myth of the Twitter Boogeyman

By Finesse

There is a weird phenomenon happening and we at GTOG don't like it.

A GTOG Investigation
Bloggers, reporters, and other smart phone-wielding instigators associated with the NHL keep mounting their high-horses to make strong proclamations in response to unspecified boogeymen. Look at your Twitter feed. Odds are you'll soon be watching somebody start an argument with people who don't exist.

What is GTOG talking about? Read on after the jump...

Your boogeyman antenna should go up whenever you see a tweet that starts with the words, "Look people."  Then you need to ask yourself, "What people?"  Shortly after Sidney Crosby's historic press conference, during which he proclaimed that he was progressing but was far from cured, reporters across the country took to Twitter and Facebook (and probably even MySpace) to patronizingly tweet something to the effect of: "Look, people, stop saying Crosby should rush back. He should come back when he is ready."

The Tweet is innocent enough on its own, but suffers from an obvious flaw. WHO ARE THESE "PEOPLE" WHO WERE SAYING THAT SID SHOULD COME BACK BEFORE HE WAS READY?  Our guess: no one.  They're made up.  Fabricated.  We have yet to encounter one legitimate person who has said anything resembling, "I don't care what the long-term effects are, Sid should be a full participant in training camp."  And even if that one person does exist, something of which we are not convinced, why does that mean the rest of us have to endure a condescending and indulgent, "Look, people."

Look, people, this Boogeyman phenomenon is only getting worse.  Rob Rossi, who we genuinely like, may have fallen victim to it in his recap of the Pens 4-1 win over New Jersey last Saturday.  He wrote:
Those critics have suggested that Staal doesn't do enough to earn the $4 million he annually costs against the Penguins' salary cap. They have argued that Staal, a former second overall pick, should be as dazzling as Crosby and Malkin. 
The first sentence is something people can argue, but who is saying that Staal should be as good as Crosby and Malkin, two of the best pure talents ever?  Seriously, who is saying that?  Give us a name!!!  We wonder why people insist on creating these Boogeymen -- it's probably to make them feel like they're winning an argument, even if they aren't arguing against anyone.  It's a similar feeling to writing a blog that no one reads.

@boogeyman, lone taker of positions
Of course, now that this appears to be the cool thing to do, we're in on this phenomenon 100%.  So, people, here is our official response to 10 things that absolutely no one is saying.

10. To all the fathers out there, I hope I don't get any more tweets from you asking for Roethlisberger's phone number for your daughter.

9. Folks, the Pens have sold out over 200 games in a row.  Will you please stop asking me when Mario is going to sell to Boots del Biaggio?

"@boogeyman Pens would be in better hands with this guy at the helm"
8. People, you're incredible.  Sully landed that plane in the Hudson River.  Please stop saying that his pilot's license should be taken away.

7. Guys, Ponikarovsky sucked.  I know that a lot of you are convinced that was Shero's best trade, but come on.

"@boogeyman Ron Francis-esque."
6. People, these hometown dates are not meaningless.  I've gotten, like, so many tweets about it.  Truth is, they're huge.

"@boogeyman Overrated moment. Not a turning point on the journey."
5. Ok, seriously.  All of you need to stop saying that you can see Russia from Alaska.

4. Look everyone, it's time to stop calling for Bylsma's job.  The guy won the Jack Adams, for God's sake.

3. Everyone, I'm telling you, the movie is terrible.  There is no need for so many of you to be demanding tickets to see Bucky Larson.

"@boogeyman Early Oscar favorite. What a movie."
2. I'm speechless.  Everyone keeps telling me that the rapper from the Rebecca Black's "Friday" video is destined for greatness.

1. People, why do you insist on telling me that Netflix's price increase was a great idea?  Seriously.

1 comment:

  1. I read! When I'm not peepin and creepin of course.