Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Countdown to NFL Week 7: Donovan McNabb Gets Benched; Leslie Frazier Translator Reacts

By Finesse

Leading up to Sunday's action, we're going to be reacting to some of the big stories in the NFL.  Yesterday, we explored The Carson Palmer Hypothetical.  Today, we look at Donovan McNabb's benching.

Donovan McNabb Gets Benched

One of the biggest dangers to democracy is athletes who don't know they aren't funny.  Cue Donovan McNabb.

The unnecessary laugh that occurs at the 45 second mark after he says "deep dish pizza" is the Unnecessary Laugh of Legends. I'll be showing that clip to my grandchildren. I look forward to not watching him when he's co-hosting ESPN Sunday NFL Countdown next year.

But we wonder if he's fake laughing today, now that he's been replaced by rookie Christian Ponder?

For some insight on the quarterback change, let's take a ride on the Leslie Frazier translator.  Here's what the coach said after the Vikes' 39-10 loss on Sunday when asked about Ponder.
"The only qualifier is what's best for our team, and that will be the criteria we use when we sit down and continue these discussions over the next couple days. For a guy who gets limited reps in practice, it seems he had a good grasp, like we thought he would, of our offense."
[...Running the GTOG Leslie Frazier Translator...]

"Here's my dilemma.  I'm in way over my head.  But beyond that, here's my other dilemma.  I have no idea what is best for our team.  The best thing would probably be to try to go 1-15 and draft Andrew Luck, but there is no chance I'll still be the coach when that happens, so I don't know how that would benefit me.  So I could continue to have Donovan McNabb throw grounders to our receivers.  That's one option.  Or, I could go with Christian, who has a grasp of our offense.  I don't know what our offense actually is, but he is grasping it."

While we have the Translator out, read on for a bonus translation...

The Tony Sparano Era

Though the Vikings are 1-5, at least they have a win.  Their counterparts in dreadfulness in Miami are 0-5 and have Matt Moore starting at quarterback.  Rumors about head coach Tony Sparano are swirling.  Here's what he had to say:
“I need to coach better.  They need to play better. ... The thing that frustrates me the most is knowing the amount of work that these guys put in on the practice field to correct some of the things we know hurt us.  And then you go out and see those things haunt you."
[Running the Tony Sparano Translator]

"Look.  I'm not going to become a better coach overnight.  It's conceivable that I'll get worse, but definitely not better.  The things that are hurting us are things that we wish we could control, but can't because the other teams have much better players than us.  My best chance of lasting through the season is to continue coaching to the best of my ability to ensure that we lose all of our remaining games so that the coach who replaces me can have Andrew Luck.  I'm hoping I'll be compensated for this in some manner."

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