Tuesday, September 20, 2011

GTOG Goes Around The NFL

By Finesse

Week 2 in the NFL is always critical because when it's over everyone says "It's too early to make judgments."  With that said, let's make some judgments.

[NOTE: we are going to be ramping up our NFL coverage this year, so spread the word.  And follow us on Twitter.]

Detroit 48, Kansas City 3:  Every year in the NFL, there are at least 3 teams that are completely and totally irrelevant.  This year, there are about 12 of these teams, and Kansas City is front and center.  What a debacle.  First, they lose Tony Moeaki to an ACL tear.  Then, they lose Eric Berry to an ACL tear.  Then, they lose Jamaal Charles to an ACL tear.  Then, you remember that they were irrelevant and likely to be really bad even before they lost those three guys.  Not a recipe for success.  Detroit, on the other hand, is getting dangerously close to doing something that no one ever thought possible -- making Thanksgiving Day football interesting.  We like this development.

Was listed as "questionable" to return despite near on-field leg amputation.
Buffalo 38, Oakland 35:  In our AFC preview, we gave Ryan Fitzpatrick the coveted "Would cheat off of but not draft in fantasy" tag.  We'd like to officially change that to "Would cheat off of and would like to have on our fantasy team until it gets freezing cold in Buffalo in mid-October."  We'd also be remiss if we didn't acknowledge Denarius Moore's enormous game and highlight reel catches.  Will he be an extreme disappointment to all the fantasy owners who rush to get him on waivers this week?  Yes, yes he will.

Tampa Bay 24, Minnesota 20: When a team blows a 17-0 lead, there is a lot of analysis that can be done.  We're not going to do that analysis.  Instead, we're going to throw Vikings' coach Leslie Frazier's words into the GTOG Translator:

Frazier: "My only words to our fans are be patient. We’re going to get there. I have great belief that we will.”

GTOG Translator: "While I'm only in my first season as the full-time head coach of the Vikings, I realize that this thing is going off the rails and I might get fired.  I'm begging the fans not to buy billboards asking for a new coach.  Please don't do that.  I think we might get moderately better.  Yes, I'll have to bench Donovan McNabb in order for that to happen.  I have great belief that I will do that at some point."

"You're the next one, Donovan. You carry the torch for all washed up QBs."
Explore the rest of the NFL after the jump...

New Orleans 30, Chicago 13:  At one point in this game, Darren Sproles stepped out of bounds before reaching the end zone but "the booth" blew the call and didn't buzz the ref in time.  This caused much consternation amongst the pundits, but not amongst anyone who owns Drew Brees in fantasy.  And there are a lot more Brees owners than there are Peter Kings.  What you should take away from this game is that Drew Brees is an absolute machine.  Don't sleep on the Saints.

Tennessee 26, Baltimore 13:  Three things: 1) Every time you think Joe Flacco isn't Joe Flacco anymore, he plays a game that reminds you that he is still Joe Flacco;  2) Chris Johnson/Javon Ringer is the new LaDanian Tomlinson/Michael Turner; 3) I don't care if Nate Washington had 99 receiving yards for the Titans -- Kevin Colbert has a good laugh at least once a week over the $27 million contract he received from Tennessee.

Cleveland 27, Indianapolis 19: When the Red Zone channel flashed to this game, all Artistry and I could do was send out our #thoughtsandprayers to the poor Colts fans.  It's tough to face the realization in Week 1 that you're probably going 2-14.  It's even tougher to face the realization in Week 2 that you're probably going 1-15 and your 35-year old $90 million quarterback clandestinely flew to Europe to have fat cells from his thighs injected into his neck.  And it didn't work.

"Let's see how much we suck from all different angles."
NY Jets 32, Jacksonville 3: The Jets didn't lose this game, but you have to give Mark Sanchez credit for trying.  With respect to the Jags, we asked this question on Twitter but it's worth repeating: If you could have drafted "the defense playing against Luke McCown" as your fantasy defense for the entire season, would you have picked that defense first overall, or just in the top-5?

Washington 22, Arizona 21:  On a paper in 6th grade, Rex Grossman answered the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" by writing, "A mediocre quarterback who makes twice as many mistakes as good plays but is still capable of leading his team to the occasional game-winning drive against bad teams."  The Skins just might mediocre their way to 10-6 and a wild card.

Green Bay 30, Carolina 23:  Let's go ESPN Talking Head on this one: "You look at a guy like Cam Newton, a rookie at that, and you're talking about a guy who has over 400 yards in his first two games.  In the pocket, out of the pocket, he's making all the throws you need to make to succeed at this level in the National Football League.  You wanna talk about making a statement."

Dallas 27, San Francisco 24 (OT): I firmly believe that Tony Romo wakes up every day and says to himself, "I've had intercourse with 90% of the blond women in Texas, I make millions of dollars, and I'm actually a pretty good quarterback.  So no matter how many times #QBsBetterThanRomo is trending on Twitter, I'm going to work with a smile on my face."  Romo threw for 345 yards with a punctured lung and led his team to a critical comeback win over Alex Smith's 49ers.  We'd say they are Frank Gore's 49ers, but we're not sure whether he's still in the NFL.

Same face she made when she found out about Carrie Underwood.  And then Candice Crawford.
New England 35, San Diego 21: Think back to late September of 2007 when you first heard the whispers that the Patriots had a shot at 16-0.  Think about how they toyed with their opponents, how they put up points at will, and how TV and radio personalities fawned all over themselves.  Think about how this made you want to hang yourself upside down and vomit on your own face.  Now fast forward to September 2011 and ask someone to hold your feet.

Houston 23, Miami 13: I swear that one day I will watch a Texans' game.  I just can't promise when that will be.

Denver 24, Cincinnati 22:  This game is like a debate between Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman: it doesn't matter what the focus groups say afterwards, there really are no winners.

"Yes, I'm still the coach. And no, I don't believe it either."
Atlanta 35, Philadelphia 31: Michael Vick left this game in the 3rd quarter with a concussion and blood in his saliva.  It's way too early for me to gloat about calling his recent $100 million contract a mistake, but I'm just going to put that on your radar.  He is a great player and in a league where everyone is freakishly athletic, Vick stands out -- he looks ridiculously fast and graceful every time he's running.  He even makes hanging dogs look effortless.  The problem is that he's prone to get crunched like one of those big cicadas that come into your house in the summer.  This may not end well.

NY Giants 28, St. Louis 16: It's difficult to find meaning in this loss for the Rams because everyone else in their division also lost.  The Rams play San Francisco in Week 17.  Can we just call that the 7-9 Bowl and skip the rest of their season?

1 comment:

  1. Don't try to lull me into a sense of complacency so you can sneak in ahead of me on the waiver wire to snag Denarius Moore. It won't work.