Saturday, August 13, 2011

GTOPG: 5 Hazy Recollections of Steelers 16-7 Loss to Redskins

By Artistry and Finesse

Sometimes you need a lengthy and unnecessary lockout to make you forget just how not compelling the NFL preseason can be.  GTOG was completely focused and locked in for Friday's exhibition opener at FedEx Field, right up until the inevitable touchback off the Graham Gano opening kickoff.  We mostly forget what happened after that because 1) we're easing into the season; and 2) we're drinking as we ease into the season. Here are 5 Hazy Recollections from the preseason opener:

5. We could have sworn that was Rex Grossman and Tim Hightower carving up the Steelers' first team defense, but it didn't faze us. You have to understand, this game meant to the Skins what a regular season game against the Penguins means to the Capitals: It's the Stanley Cup + the Super Bowl + the World Series.  It's everything.  Didn't you see the way Santana Moss would spin the pigskin on the turf after a reception like he was celebrating a championship? Wait. We're being told he does this every game.

4.  At some point around halftime, we got a shot of Mike Tomlin wearing his trademark black long-sleeve shirt. It appeared to us that the head football coach is putting on a significant amount of weight. It wasn't so much that he looked like he ate Max Starks, but you could argue it looked like he was trying to swallow Max Starks. We made this observation at a bar on a TV screen that was barely within our peripheral vision, so we could be making it all up. But if Tomlin is putting on tons of weight, the Steelers should put a stop to it. The Bill Cowher-2009 Tomlin-Sean Payton model is far preferable to the Rex Ryan-Andy Reid-Charlie Weis triple fudge sundae.

Hopefully unleashing diet in December.
3.  He may not have even played, but any time the Redskins are brought up, it reminds us of our disdain for Chris Cooley. Rarely has anyone achieved so little, yet had so much to say (us maybe?). Here in DC, Cooley is talked about as if he is some sort of superstar tight end, which he might be if he 1) didn't get hurt all the time; and 2) was better. Unfortunately for him, he's not. We will be devoting space on the site this season to chronicling his numerous impending failures.

2.  Ike Taylor broke his thumb and never returned to the game.  The blow was softened this morning when Steelers trainers discovered that Taylor still has 9 remaining healthy thumbs.

1.  We witnessed another absolutely classic performance by Big Ben as he shook his injured hand on camera while running up the field before ultimately icing the hand on the sideline. He's so consistent.

Three more preseason games to go. Buckle up.

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