OK, maybe none of these things are necessarily apocalyptic, but they're not good. Open your eyes people. Open your eyes.
5. WNBA rookie Jantel Lavender allegedly assaulted her ex, slamming his head into the wall and launching a devastating kick right into what the ex-boyfriend told police is his "growing [SIC] area." (Via @lindsapple)
|Ordered to stay at least 100 yards away from growing area|
|There's a team in the belly.|
2. People in Boston really don't believe that Matt Cooke is a human being.
1. Move over Ashley, ABC found someone just as not charismatic to steal your spotlight. Ben Flajnik is the new Bachelor. Get in line, Ladies. You bring the sunscreen, he'll bring the see-through shirt that ensures you cannot take your eyes off his man-nipples.