Dear Long-Suffering Pittsburgh Pirates Fans:
We notice you are feeling pretty good about yourselves these days, and undertstandably so. Finally, you are getting your due. At long last, you are being recognized for your resilience and your unwavering loyalty to the Buccos. You have endured 18 straight losing seasons, and now when you walk down the street people feel obliged to stop what they're doing and applaud as if you're returning from duty in Afghanistan. Richly deserved. You are members of very, very, very exclusive club: the Non-Bandwagon Pittsburgh Pirates Fans.
Think about what you have accomplished. Instead of doing something to make yourself happy, learning a new language, or curing cancer, you watched some 26,000 innings of losing baseball. You refused to acknowledge that the sport was actually better with steroids and cocaine. You talked yourself into guys like Bobby Hill and Andy LaRoche, even as the Yankees were throwing $20 million at utility players. And here we thought we were making an entirely rational and completely justifiable position not to pay attention to any of it.*
* We were busy watching the Penguins lose like 200 games in four seasons pre-Crosby.