Friday, May 6, 2011

Channel Hopping with GTOG: Men's Volleyball, Governor Johnson, and Impact!

By Finesse

With no Penguins to root for and no Caps or Flyers to root against, it was a slow night for GTOG.  I got an initial glimmer of hope when I saw a headline on the D.C. Sports Bog that Chris Cooley had responded to Willie Parker's comments about the Redskins partying too hard, but rather than make a fool out of himself like we've come to expect, Cooley's remarks were quite benign.  Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Tipped off by a friend of the blog that there were some unreal celebrations going on in a volleyball match on ESPN2, GTOG went channel hopping.  (All times approximate).

9:42pm Men's Volleyball on ESPN2: It was the National Semifinal between #3 seed Ohio St. and #2 seed Penn State, live from Rec Hall at PSU where I once got an A in Walking class.  If you're ever in the mood to watch super skinny super tall guys engage in a group hug every 15 seconds, but your internet is down, ESPN2 is the place for you.  There seemed to be no discernable difference between the two teams other than Ohio St. having one 5'4" guy running along the back of the out of bounds line and occasionally being allowed to play the ball.  Apparently each side gets three timeouts during each set, allowing the coaches to diagram the next group hug.

Photo probably taken at practice.
The volleyballers appear to be great athletes but what's the future?  Professional volleyball?  Is that a thing?  Assuming it isn't, their next stop is as your uncomfortably tall coworkers at your Big 4 accounting firm.

9:50pm The Republican "Presidential" Debate on Fox News: We aren't a political blog, but we are an entertainment site, so we can't turn down the opportunity to watch FOUR moderators moderate four virtual strangers and Ron Paul in a "Presidential" debate.  Here's what we learned:
- Rick Santorum: Just like when he was a Senator from Pennsylvania, his facial expression and body language screams, "I'm wearing a dirty diaper that needs changed."
- Tim Pawlenty: He isn't running for President of the United States, he's running for the Reagan of the United Reagan.
- Ron Paul: He couldn't possibly be more exasperated and incredulous about government, but won big points by advocating legalization of prostitution.  Would this mean that the John School that our boy Andray Blatche had to go to in 2007 would be shut down? (Do yourself a favor and click on that link)
- "Governor Johnson": Someone named "Governor Johnson" calls himself a "free market guy."  Unfortunately for him, the free market has no idea who he is.
Governor Johnson?
- Herman Cain: His actual closing remarks, transcribed verbatim (emphasis added): "Fellow PATRIOTS!  In this exceptional nation, the United States of America, we need real economic growth, a real energy independence plan, real [look down] national security CLARITY.  And we're only going to get it with real leadership, not more POSITIONSHIP.   [pause] God bless you.  [Softly] And yes, God is blessing America."
10:00pm The NBA on ____?  Of course in the middle of the second round of the playoffs there would be no NBA game on a Thursday night, the number one TV night of the week!  How silly of me to expect otherwise.  The worst thing a league can do is kill its own momentum by having too much time between games, a practice better known as college football.

10:10pm Vancouver at Nashville on Versus:  Just in time for the Verizon Intermission Report!  Here's a rough screenplay of what transpired:
- Bill Patrick: "Verizon.  Verizon Verizon.  Keith?"
- Keith Jones: "That's right, Bill."
[show prepackaged and rehearsed clip from prior period]
- Keith Jones: "And there you see right there."
[show statistic supporting prior clip]
- Jeremy Roenick: "iefkdnfriookvd;eo"
- Bill Patrick: "Verizon.  Pizza Hut."
[Ovechtrick commercial]
10:15pm "15 Unforgettable Hollywood Tragedies" on E!:  The story was about Lane Garrison, a former Prison Break "star" who was involved in a drunk driving accident that killed a passenger in the car he was driving.  No comment on that, but seeing him did make me regret that we didn't have this blog when Prison Break was actually a show on TV.  We would have had a weekly segment called, "What did Michael Scofield just whisper?"

"Linc. I'm going to get you out of here"
10:20pm Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN:  Coming to you live from Ground Zero.  Like the boy who cried wolf, CNN is the network that called BREAKING NEWS.  I haven't turned to CNN in the past 6 years and not seen the bright yellow BREAKING NEWS banner.  Tonight's BREAKING NEWS?  "Follow Anderson on Twitter."

10:30pm TNA Wrestling Impact! on Spike TV.  I have no idea what TNA stands for, but the only way you could surprise me is if you told me that the N did not stand for Nitro.  Hulk Hogan is still wrestling, and so apparently is every large chested woman south of the Mason-Dixon line.  Can you be a serious human being and watch a show with an exclamation point in the title?

10:35pm Baseball Tonight on ESPN.  Bedtime.


  1. Totally agree!! Best 3 minutes of men's volley ball I've ever watched. Thanks ESPN2!

  2. "... Blatche's attorney, Pleasant S. Brodnax III also declined to comment."

    The Third?