In psychology, Bradholm syndrome is a term used to describe a paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express adulation and have positive feelings towards their Bachelor that appear irrational in light of the fact that (a) they just met him; and (b) he is blander than a piece of stale melba toast, essentially mistaking a lack of abuse from their captor as an act of kindness. Common side effects of Bradholm Syndrome include uncontrollable sobbing, toplessness, and the desire for Brad to meet their families. You could argue that the "Ladies" continued their Journey on Anguila for Episode 7 of their own free will, but I'm not sure that assertion stands up under careful scrutiny.
Emily, for one, is clearly being coerced. Here is a woman who has never introduced her daughter Ricky, by her late fiancee Ricky, to anyone she's ever dated, regardless of whether they, too, were named Ricky. Yet we are expected to believe that she's suddenly at peace with the idea of opening up her home to Brad, Chris Harrison, and the ABC camera crew? Folks, that's akin to swinging a psychological wrecking ball into Emily's walls. To her credit, Mother Theresa Barbie tried valiantly to protect her mental health, even as Brad kept the pressure on with yet another one-on-one date to open the show.
|Hopefully, Ricky got out|
"I really don't even care," Emily replied, as I shouted "Run, Emily! Run! Go now!"
Does Emily escape? Will Britt eat something already? Who goes topless on the group date? Find out after the jump...
But it was too late. The helicopter was in view. "You do too much on our dates!" Emily cooed, possibly under the impression that Brad himself planned this and rented a helicopter. They were off to a private island, and now it was only a matter of time. Sure, it was awkward for a few minutes as they sat on the beach. Brave Emily put up every Wall she could muster, then built an auxiliary wall on the perimeter of those Walls. It still wasn't enough. All Brad had to say was, "I care more for you than I should probably say right now," and Emily completely lost control of her faculties, inserting her tongue in Brad's mouth in what appeared to be an attempt to reach his back tattoo. "I love our conversation," Brad managed, during a break in the action. Sensing that the syndrome that bears his name had now completely decimated Emily's carefully constructed walls, the Bachelor pounced, announcing he was breaking the rules to promise Emily a rose, because doggone it, he was coming to meet her daughter. And there wasn't a thing poor Emily could do to stop him.
Perhaps an even more heartbreaking case of Bradholm Syndrome involved Shawntel, AKA the Comely Mortician, AKA the Smoking Hot Undertaker. "How do you not fall in love here," she said, as Brad escorted her through the Anguila farmers' market during the episode's second one-on-one date. I can think of so many, many answers to that question, Shawntel, but I'm afraid you won't listen. Especially not after Bachelor producers planted some adorable, ancient little Yoda lady in the middle of the street to give Shawntel and Brad her blessing in marriage. Indeed, next thing you knew, Shawntel announced that Brad is "perfect" and she would love to marry him. Those delusional feelings would only intensify during their seaside dinner, where Brad turned the intimacy up to 11 by revealing that his brother's name is Chad. Chad and Brad. This revelation triggered an intense make-out session. Later, as Bankie Banx, who, if you didn't know, is the most famous singer in the entire eastern hemisphere, provided the sound track, Brad continued to explore Shawntel's passion, and her enormous back tattoo, during a late night swim. She had so much promise, and now she's just another funeral home director with a tramp stamp.
|Also does Bar Mitzvahs|
|Not for the weak-willed|
Ashley and Chantal took off their bathing suit tops, prompting the Black Swan to try to one-up them by essentially having sexual relations with Brad in front of the entire nation, her daughter, and Emily's daughter. Ashley responded by renovating and reinforcing her walls, drinking copious amounts of a frothy, green cocktail, and, as she likes to put it, "retracting." Confused, Brad awarded the tiny dentist the date rose. [Ed. note: producers should have worked harder to book Elton John to sing "Hold me closer Tiny Dentist" during this scene. Missed opportunity.] Chantal, changing things up this week with some persistent whimpering as opposed to convulsive crying, then promptly challenged Brad to send her home. But if there's one thing Brad Womack knows, its that when Ladies suffering from Bradholm Syndrome say "Just send me home," what they mean is "I'd love for you to meet my family and seek my parents' blessing for our eventual wedding, to be broadcast live on ABC."
|"My mom makes the best Blessing Pie. You have to come over."|
Stay tuned next time for a regrettable episode, where, I predict, Shawntel will not receive a rose, despite her attempts to romance Brad by showing him a bunch of corpses. We'll be watching.