Friday, January 28, 2011

5 Things GTOG Is Looking For During All-Star Weekend

By Finesse

A guy named Ryan Lambert posted a column on Puck Daddy this morning called "The 5 best things that could happen at NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft."  It included such things as "Civil War," and "Breaking Up The Hurricanes."  Are we sure this isn't stolen from Bob Errey's "Tips To Win" feature on FSN?  Anyway, we loved Ryan Lambert's post so we decided to rip it off, with the only difference being that ours will be interesting.**

Official Lambert of GTOG

Without further ado, here are 5 Things GTOG Is Looking For During All-Star Weekend...

1) Nick Lidstrom Turning The Zamboni Water Into Wine.  If there is one guy in the league who can do it, it's St. Nicklas himself.  He may be the greatest human being ever to don a sweater of any kind, let alone a hockey sweater.  Unfortunately, we heard a rumor that Versus has uncovered footage of the only time Nick Lidstrom was ever on the ice for a goal allowed by the Detroit Red Wings, albeit the Red Wings were on a 5-on-3 penalty kill at the time.  GTOG has a patent application pending for a method of bottling Lidstrom's Classiness.

2) A Column About How The All-Star Game Lacks Buzz Because Crosby Isn't There Written By Someone Who Has Previously Written That Sidney Crosby Is Overexposed By The NHL.  This is more commonly known as the "Larry Brooks Manifesto."
  • Brooks, December 28, 2008: "The NHL should be embarrassed for itself ... The NHL's All-Crosby-All-The-Time marketing machine has been detrimental to the sport by virtue of its exclusionary policy."
  • Brooks, March 7, 2010:  Calling out Crosby for declining an invitation to go on David Letterman after his Golden Goal, Brooks writes in a column titled, "Crosby blows NHL's golden chance" that "it's difficult to understand why the NHL's most recognizable player and ambassador refused to spread the gospel."
3) A rational explanation for why Mike Green is an alternate captain.  Anyone?  Ted?  Bruce?  Someone?  Bueller?

4) Hyperbole about All-Star Games Past.  My favorite part of All-Star Weekend by a mile is during the hardest shot competition when we inevitably will have the pure delight of hearing something along the lines of, "Of course, we all remember where we were when Al Iafrate hit 105.2 in 1993."



5)  A Bodycheck By Mr. Irrelevant.  Whoever the last overall pick is (Kris Letang may be in the running) should make the game interesting by getting physical with an unsuspecting player on the opposing team.  Nothing to lose.  Except your place in heaven if you take a run at St. Nick.

GTOG.

**Readers may be asking why I'm being dismissive of Ryan Lambert's post.  Glad I asked myself.  His post includes gratuitous shot-taking at Matt Cooke and the Penguins presumably because he is confused about what year it is or he never ever ever rooted for a team or player who ever ever ever did anything that may have "crossed the line."  He blames "teams like the Penguins" for "cutting checks" to guys like Matt Cooke, arguing that this allows Matt Cooke to continue being a "reckless piece of garbage."  Unmentioned in this article is the fact that Matt Cooke is a pretty effective reckless piece of garbage, scoring 15 goals last season (and a +17) and having 9 goals already this year as a +12 while anchoring the league's top PK unit and amassing 5 shorthanded points.  But let's not get off topic.

3 comments:

  1. Al Iafrate. What a force. It's heartening that he's transitioned so seamlessly to an acting career. Here he is in his star-making role as "Freakshow" in "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLW8as22M_8

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  2. I do want to set the record straight on the one and only goal scored against while Lidstrom was on the ice. It did occur in the NHL and was the first goal against at any level of hockey in St. Nick's entire life including playing in his basement as a kid.

    The circumstance of the goal was indeed a 5 on 3, but what people may fail to remember is that the other two Detroit players were not in the play at the time. One was injured and down on the ice in the neutral zone, the other had broken his stick and strangely went to the bench leaving St. Nick to face a 5 on 1.

    After Nick blocked 11 consecutive shots the puck ended in the Detroit goal but was clearly a result of a directed kicking motion. This was prior to replay so despite arguing the call in all 12 of his proficient languages the goal stood.

    It should be pointed out as a footnote that the Referee who made the outrageously bad call, allowing the goal, was sent to the USHL where he is now calling lines for Fargo Force games.

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  3. A.N., thanks for the clarification. That video must be the hockey equivalent of photographs of Abe Lincoln - rare and expensive.

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