Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Today in Ron Cook Poetry: Clarity? What clarity?


By Artistry

The mother of the co-founder of this blog has wondered why we dislike Ron Cook.  To be clear, we don't dislike Ron Cook.  In fact, we admire him.  If we could literally and figuratively mail in our work product every day, we would definitely do it.  If we could churn out a day's worth of work in 25 minutes, we would.  So to those who like Ron Cook, don't fret - we find him amusing, though probably not in the same way you do.  (The sports columnist in the U.S. who we really don't like is Mike Wise of the Washington Post.  We tackled this subject briefly yesterday and on Twitter). Without further ado, here's Mr. Cook.

Clarity?  What clarity?

Nor do the rest of us.
Shame on Tomlin. 
Ambiguity.
Clarity?
What clarity?
Give him credit for that.
But he can't be the man.
That has to be Leftwich. 
It's too late now to worry about it. 
Blame Roethlisberger for this mess. 
That's fair. 
But blame Tomlin, as well. 

Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/10243/1083873-87.stm#ixzz0yBKBEZkP

Monday, August 30, 2010

Roethlisberger Decision Expected Friday [UPDATED]

By Finesse

Superman only needs to keep up the Clark Kent facade for another 5 days.  Ben Roethlisberger is scheduled to meet with Commissioner Roger Goodell this Friday to discuss whether his suspension will be reduced to 4 games or remain at 6.  Apparently Mike Wise, the Washington Post columnist who has an unhealthy obsession with Sidney Crosby despite openly admitting that he doesn't know much about hockey and proclaims Ovechkin better than Crosby before changing his mind, just tweeted that he heard the Roethlisberger suspension will be reduced to 5 games:
Roethlisberger will get 5 games, I'm told.

How can you argue with that?

Seriously though, the main reason I don't believe that is because it's from Mike Wise, someone who has a toxic blend of sophistry and ignorance.  Also, reducing the suspension to 5 games makes no sense.  If Roethlisberger has behaved, then it should be cut to 4.  If not, leave it at 6.  Reducing the suspension to 5 games would be a compromise, but it would also suggest that Roethlisberger has somehow not "done enough" to warrant the full reduction and no one can point to anything negative that he's done to keep the suspension at anything over 4 games.  We'd be stunned here at GTOG if the suspension wasn't reduced to 4 games.  From all indications, Roethlisberger has made nothing but good decisions since he crammed a lifetime worth of poor decisions into this haircut alone. 


[UPDATE]: Mike Wise was lying.  I may have published my post after the Deadspin article (I did), but I stake the credibility of GTOG on the fact that all I had read at the time of my post was Mike Wise's tweet.  We can sniff out a fake from a mile away.  GTOG.

One quick thought about a preseason game that I didn't watch (but which Artistry artfully covered live).  Stan and Guy just spent 15 minutes talking with Ken Laird about the Steelers' special teams problems...what is it about this organization that special teams has been a considerable problem since at least 2001 when it cost the Steelers the AFC title against the Patriots?

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Steelers v. Broncos: 1st Quarter Live Blog

By Artistry


Nobody's watching, let alone live-blogging an entire pre-season game.  But it's the last legitimate tune-up before the starters take a seat for all but a few plays in week 4 of exhibition season, so let's look in briefly on the Steelers as they face the Broncos in Denver.

15:00 - I'm immediately happy I've only committed to blogging the first quarter.  The Daniel Sepulveda experiment opens with a kick-off directly out of bounds.  Where is Jeff Reed?

So Reliable
Two plays later, Kyle Orton hits Eddie Royal with a quick hitch.  Keenan Lewis explodes into Royal.  Two yards out of bounds.  Personal foul.  Not to be outdone, seconds later Lawrence Timmons slams Orton to the turf late, and the officials tack on another 15 yards.  If this were happening in the regular season, by now I would have assumed the lotus pose and commenced deep breathing.

The Broncos are now in the red zone by default.  Joe Buck reminds us that Kyle Orton is making $8.8 million dollars this year.  James Farrior loses his helmet and is head-butted by a much larger man, but he seems relatively unfazed as he walks off the field.  We're off to a good start here.  Let's review the rest of the first quarter, after the jump...


Friday, August 27, 2010

What to do with Mellon Arena?

By Poise

The Issue:
Dialogue is beginning to intensify in the City of Pittsburgh regarding the future use of the Mellon Arena site. Since the Penguins ownership broke ground on the new Consol Energy Center, we all knew the day would eventually come when we would no longer need Mellon Arena. Not surprisingly, during the Consol Energy Center’s construction period, we were all too distracted with what was going on with the team to think much about the future of the building. Now that the last game has been played and all the championship banners have been taken down, we are now faced with an empty building and vacant parking lot.
















City officials, residents and developers are asking questions regarding what to do next with what is undoubtedly the City’s most compelling and valuable piece of property.  The land use battle has begun and the rest of us are left aligning sides in the debate: GTOG takes sides after the jump…

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Goodbye Billy G.

By Artistry

Today the Penguins made it official:  Bill Guerin won't be staying with the team.  Always a terrific guy to have around, Guerin was credited with loosening up the locker room and getting Sid Crosby to crack the occasional smile.  Before his wheels largely gave out, before his trademark pinpoint wrist shots began to come too infrequently, and before he started just bear-hugging guys during fights because he became instantly exhausted, it was a pretty good run, wasn't it?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Introducing GTOG on Twitter and the Best of the Rest

By Eloquence

GTOG is fan friendly; we're also smart. So we've got our Twitter account going now that our online news magazine is bustling along and the servers we overheated upon our launch have been fixed.  In honor of this announcement, we highlight some of the best, worst, and most mysterious Twitter accounts of hockey and Pittsburgh figures after the jump...

Today in Ron Cook Poetry: Finding Mr. Right

By Finesse

It's hard to keep up with Ron Cook these days.  He must have spent his vacation brainstorming as many one-word sentences as possible.  Today
he takes on the Pirates and their manager John Russell...


Finding Mr. Right

Please.
Let me clarify that.
Put the man out of his misery.
It's the humanitarian thing to do.
Please.
No manager could survive that.
But what?
Please, tell me.
What?
Haven't seen much of that.
Not good, I hear.
Yeah, right.
Tracy was lucky.
It really is a graveyard here.
That's supposed to make us feel better?
That's OK, though.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Today in Ron Cook Poetry: 85 Degrees and Muggy

By Finesse

Ron Cook is back with a vengeance.  Today he makes it clear that while he doesn't want it to happen, Joe Paterno is likely going to die on the sideline during this season.  He also continues his campaign against women - first, it was female Korean professional golfers and now it's Sue Paterno, Joe's wife.  [Note: a seminal moment in GTOG history just occurred.  I was searching for the link to Cook's anti-Korea crusade from a few months ago and in my Google search for "Ron Cook Korea Golf," GTOG's post about it appeared before the actual Cook article.  Ron Cook Poetry is now officially more popular than Ron Cook.]  We tackled the Paterno issue a couple weeks ago and it sparked a lot of discussion.  If only I could have been as eloquent as Cook.

85 Degrees and Muggy

What if it's 85 degrees and muggy?
What if it's 28 that day with snow flurries and a bitter wind?
I don't think so, either.
Heck, I'm worried he might not make it through it.
His weight was down.
He was frail.
He sounded terrible.
Really, it's time for him to get out.
That's a given.
I have serious doubts.
How can you not?
I'm also guessing he will refuse.
No one wants to see him collapse at the 50-yard line.

Coach 'em up, Joe.

Monday, August 23, 2010

In defense of the Pirates (sort of)

By Finesse


In America, people don't go into business to lose money.  Today we woke up to the news that the Pirates' financial statements from the past 3 season had been leaked to the press and the statements showed that the Pirates' made $15 million in 2007, $14.4 million in 2008 and $5.4 million in 2009.  For some Pirates' fans and a "sports economist" to be discussed later, this was unacceptable.  After all, how could Pirates' ownership allow themselves to make money while simultaneously allowing the major league team to be a complete embarrassment for 18 years?  After the jump, I tell you why I don't have any problem with the Pirates making money but I have a serious problem with the Associated Press...

Today in Ron Cook Poetry: The Little Things

By Finesse

Well, apparently Ron Cook has heeded our call to return to writing his columns of one-liners and non-sentences.  He's back today with a column praising Steelers' DE Aaron Smith.  Without further ado... 

The Little Things

They say it's the little things that tell so much about a person...
But it's the little things...
Selfless.
The physical tools are invaluable, sure.
Here's another of those little things...
Smith plays the perfect position.
His job describtion isn't very sexy.
Eat up blockers.  Stop the run.
He's 34.
That's a lot of wear and tear on a man's body.
The big things in his life are pretty important, too.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Asham Signing Triggers GTOG Gag Reflex

By Artistry

It's taken a couple of days for GTOG to digest the news that the Pens have signed former Flyer Arron Asham to a 1-year, $700,000 contract.  Finesse, in particular, may have thrown up a little bit in his mouth.  When I first suggested yesterday that we should post something about the deal, the following email exchange ensued:

Finesse:  "You can post if you have a strong reaction.  I hate Asham."
Artistry:   "As a human, a player, or both?"
Finesse:  "Is he human?'

Human?
You see what we're dealing with here.  Some additional thoughts on Asham and the possibility of a Bill Guerin return after the jump...


Saturday, August 21, 2010

Fake Ron Cook Weighs in on the Steelers' QB Situation



Our favorite Post-Gazette columnist Ron Cook has been noticeably absent from his column-writing duties for a large chunk of the past month.  We are going to refrain from speculating on the causes of his absence because, who knows, it may be a valid reason.  This is a critical time of year for him to be absent as the Steelers are starting another season and are in the midst of a potential QB controversy.  But the beauty of Ron Cook, as we explained in one of our first posts ever, is that you don't actually need Ron Cook to write a Ron Cook column.  So, because I have nothing better to do for the next 25 minutes, here is fake Ron Cook's newest column addressing the Steelers' budding QB controversy after the jump.



Friday, August 20, 2010

Should an Ovechkin Bio Be So Unapologetically Sid-centric?

By Artistry and Finesse



In case you missed it, Japers' Rink provided a little bit of buzz this week by posting two excerpts from a forthcoming unauthorized biography of Alexander Ovechkin by Damien Cox and Gare Joyce, entitled "The Ovechkin Project:  A Behind-The-Scenes Look at Hockey's Most Dangerous Player."  If you don't feel like navigating a Washington Capitals' fansite, you can read the excerpts here and here.  What did we learn from these early glimpses at the book?  Nothing Max Talbot didn't already know, but perhaps most notable is that these excerpts show that the Crosby-Ovechkin rivalry goes back to well before their time in the NHL and the Capitals' captain has yet to escape from Sid's shadow.  You can imagine how the Caps' fans are reacting to this "news."  (Hint:  Not well.)  But given that this book is supposed to be about Ovechkin, should it be so unapologetically Sid-centric?  GTOG weighs in after the jump...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Fantasy Football: The Comeback

By Artistry

I reached my fantasy sports peak about a decade after I reached my physical peak.  It was a natural progression, as I started spending less time playing hockey and more time sitting in front of a computer pretending to work.  I knew and liked everybody in my office league.  Most people were active owners during the season, and if they weren't, I could poke my head into their office and get in their faces.  I won back-to-back fantasy football championships and a fantasy baseball title in between.  During this heady stretch, Mrs. Artistry even won her inaugural office fantasy football league.

I was something to behold back then.  I could take one look at another team's roster and make a perfect trade pitch.  Men deferred to me during the draft.  I dominated, had a glass of scotch, then dominated some more.  I was the Don Draper of fantasy sports.

Draper
Then, about two years ago, everything changed.  I moved to a new office in a new city, but I clung to my old fantasy leagues.  I had to do every draft over the phone.  I emailed people trade offers, and they didn't write me back.  There were new people in these leagues who I didn't know, and would never know, because I would never meet them.  Mrs. Artistry had a baby, Little Artistry, who is the best little person in the world.  He said the word "touchdown" at a very early age, then never said it again.  For the first time in memory, I finished completely out of the money.  Last spring, I joined Finesse as a co-owner of a fantasy baseball team and lost interest after like three days.  I had lost my way.  Suddenly, I was the Nacho Libre of fantasy sports.

There were two ways this could go.  One, I could accept that I'm not even a little bit young anymore, I have responsibilities, and I don't have time for one of these leagues let alone three.  Or two, I could fight to recapture my lost fantasy status, start a blog, and take an enormous pay cut to work a more interesting job with better hours.  Well GTOG Nation, I leave it to others to judge what kind of man Artistry's Mom raised, but I know she didn't raise him to choose the first option.  So I put myself on a program to recapture my fantasy football mojo.  It's going to work for me - I can feel it - and it can work for you, too.  Let's go through the 10 steps together after the jump...


Monday, August 16, 2010

Why Steelers' Fans Won't Hate Ben As Much As You Think

By Finesse


When news broke that Ben Roethlisberger was under investigation for sexual assault in Milledgeville, Georgia, the reaction among many, if not most, Steelers' fans that I know was that it was time for the Steelers and Roethlisberger to part ways.  This was the obvious initial reaction for many reasons: 1) it reaffirmed that he was a bad guy, something most of us suspected anyway; 2) it would be difficult to root for the Steelers while simultaneously hating their best player; and 3) the image (whether deserved or not) that the Steelers were somehow above having "bad guys" on their team meant something to most Pittsburghers.  We assumed that the Rooneys felt the same way and even though it would hurt the team in the short-run, it would send a reassuring message to the fans and the rest of the NFL that the Steelers were, in fact, different.

Well, that never happened and the conversation shifted to how Steelers' fans would react to Roethlisberger - would there be boos?  Would anyone still wear his jersey?  Would Jeff Reed stop peeing in public?  Would women wear his jersey?  Would teammates resent him because of the media circus?  The general consensus that seemed to be developing was that Steelers' fans were upset that he wasn't let go or at least punished in a more severe manner.  (I know I'm projecting a general consensus across 10 million + people so obviously there are people who felt differently.  But bear with me.)  It seemed obvious that he would be greeted with boos or even worse.  But as Earl Mann says, "a funny thing happened on the way to the refrigerator."

Read on to learn why the Roethlisberger situation is galvanizing for Steelers' fans...



Thursday, August 12, 2010

Ramblings....

By Finesse

In the "as if you needed more evidence that we know what we are talking about" category:  Last week, we surveyed the landscape of the current NHL in the aftermath of free agency and asked, was the Fleury contract worth it?  We (Artistry) noted that the current trend is away from big money goaltenders and toward strength on the blue line and down the middle.  Well, apparently Ron Wilson and Darren Elliot agree.  Oh, and there are whispers (we don't believe them) that Vancouver GM Mike Gillis is actually hoping that the NHL voids the Roberto Luongo contract in light of its decision on the Kovalchuk deal so that the Canucks can get out from his huge contract and find, you guessed it, a lower priced goalie.  We stand behind our conclusion that the Fleury contact was, and continues to be, a very shrewd move by Ray Shero.  But, it is definitely apparent that the pendulum in the NHL is swinging away from big money goalies.

Also, thanks to our readers for their great feedback and discussion on our endorsement of Joe Paterno yesterday.  Read more about it in the comment section to yesterday's post.  Great stuff there, Anonymous.

Steelers' coach Mike Tomlin is being coy about the starting QB for Saturday night's pre-season opener against the Lions.  Why all the secrecy?  No one cares.  This would be like the Pirates not revealing who is starting their game on Saturday night against the Astros.  Two meaningless games and two decisions that no one should care about.  That being said, I'm excited to see Dennis Dixon get some playing time.  We know what Leftwich's abilities and limitations are so this pre-season should be about Dixon.

A lot of our reality TV fans have been asking us to live blog and/or comment on the Jersey Shore.  We hate to disappoint, but it is unlikely that we will have much to say about it for one simple reason -- Jersey Shore is perfect as it is.  There is nothing we could say about it that would make it any funnier or better.  The key difference between Jersey Shore and the Bachelorette is that Jersey Shore is clearly a parody and everyone who watches is in on the joke.  That is HARDLY the case with the Bachelorette.  The funny part about that show is how seriously the contestants and, more notably, the fans take that show.  It never gets old to hear Ali describe how she gave up "everything" to become a celebrity and be on a TV show that gives her everything she wants.  So, we love Jersey Shore, but like every great artist, you have to know when to put the brush down.

We don't care about the Jet Blue flight attendant who slid out of his plane on the inflatable exit.  As USA Today aptly put it:
Small wonder that Slater got fed up. Cursed by an obnoxious passenger after a dispute over luggage, he returned the insult over the plane's P.A. system. Then he lowered the emergency chute, grabbed a beer, thanked the better-behaved passengers on board and slid into celebrity, a fleeting hero to his beleaguered peers and recession-pressed millions who'd also like to tell their employers to take this job and shove it.
Who doesn't get it? It's the nature of the times, in the air and on the ground.
Heroism is about selflessness and grace under pressure. Think of Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, the veteran US Airwayscaptain who coolly guided his crippled plane to a safe landing in the Hudson River last year.
Aping a rude customer and abandoning ship don't qualify. Slater is just a guy who flamed out, albeit in a colorfully instructive way. His antics should remind fliers that as bad as they have it, the employees trying to serve them have it much worse. For all practical purposes, they've been enduring a recession for decades.
We'll read anything about Sully.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Net Mouth Scramble: Boomer the Dog, Chris Pronger, Joe Paterno, the Jets, and Snooki

By Finesse

There really isn't much going on right now that moves our meter so here are a few links and notes.

    • Some NHL agents are upset and surprised that the NHL prevailed in its arbitration against the Kovalchuk contract and the next big issue is whether the NHL can and will go after existing contracts that were already approved by the league.  Pensblog asks what it all means.  Here's hoping that the league does not go after the Pronger deal because he will count $5 million against their salary cap for the next 7 years, regardless of when he retires.  In the 7th year of his deal, Pronger will be the first player in NHL history to actually sit down on the ice during a shift to rest.
    • The NFL is once again taking over the sports airwaves and I'm frankly getting a little tired of hearing about how great the Jets are going to be.  They finished 9-7 last year and only made the playoffs because their final two opponents rested their starters (remember the Colts blowing the perfect season?).  But for those who feel like the Jets to the Super Bowl story lines may be a little premature, it's only going to get worse.  The Darrelle Revis holdout becomes a bigger story by the day and the Jets are the focus of this season's Hard Knocks series on HBO.  I'm not saying the Jets won't be good -- I think they will make the playoffs -- but let's all just settle down for a few minutes.  
    • Ben Roethlisberger is doing yoga with his mom.  No word yet on whether she agreed.
    • Joe Paterno has been nominated for the national Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the country.  In GTOG's mind, this is well-deserved.  A great human being.  Also, Paterno should be allowed to go out on his own terms - anyone who is thinking its time to hang it up should try to put him/herself in Paterno's shoes...what else is he going to do?  Sit and home and wait to die?  Of course he has lost a step (or a dozen) and isn't truly running every aspect of the program like he used to, but so what?  The team is still winning games, and even though it probably isn't a true contender for the BCS Title Game, it always has a shot at getting to a BCS game.  He has surrounded himself with capable people (huge fan of Tom Bradley) and there really isn't any guarantee that making changes would lead to better results.  He isn't embarrassing himself and instead of people thinking that his age is a detriment, maybe it just means he knows a thing or two that you don't.  Coach 'em up Joe.
    •  
    • Some members of GTOG went to see Step Up 3D this past weekend and, for the most part, our preview was right on point.  It was really remarkable though to watch people who are so good at one thing (dancing) while simultaneously so bad at another thing (acting).  I'll go see it again if someone comes up with rules for a "finding the plot holes" drinking game.
    • Snooki is too pretty for jail. 

    Tuesday, August 10, 2010

    "Activist" arbitrator overturns Kovalchuk deal; GTOG elated

    By Finesse

    Last night an arbitrator voided the 17-year, $102 million deal that Kovalchuk signed with the New Jersey Devils on the grounds that it was a "retirement" deal and circumvented the collective bargaining agreement.  The deal would have paid Kovalchuk $95 million over the first 10 years and then $550,000/year for the remainder of the term.  The contract wouldn't have expired until Kovalchuk was 44 years old.  The arbitrator found that the rarity of players playing until they are 44 years old coupled with the huge discrepancy in yearly salaries was enough to void the deal.  Lots of links to reaction and breakdown by Burnside and Puck Daddy.


    This is a huge victory for the NHL.  Yes, they should never have allowed the loopholes of these extra long contracts in the CBA, but they did take a stand when it got out of hand.  We applaud the arbitrator's ruling and hope it puts an end to the smugness of the many GM's who thought they were so smart to sign deals like this.

    As for Kovalchuk, the guess here is that he re-signs a short deal with New Jersey.  The other rumor is Los Angeles, but Kings brought in Ponikarovsky, who while not even 20% the player Kovalchuk is, does eat up $3 million of their cap.  And if Kovalchuk ends up back in Russia, so be it.  Maybe that's his ultimate destiny anyway.

    Meanwhile...

    Saturday, August 7, 2010

    Penguins' "Not All-Time Team"

    By GTOG Staff

    The Penguins announced their All-Time Team on Friday, and for the most part it was pretty on-point (current players were excluded).  After all, there are a lot of no-brainers.  We could sit here and nitpick but, 1) it doesn't really matter; and 2) it's much more fun to Wikipedia some of the least relevant, if not the worst, players in Penguins history.  It is in this spirit of commemoration that we present to you our Pittsburgh Penguins' "Not All-Time Team."  These are players we will clearly never forget, because, let's be candid, there is no explanation for why we can still remember them.  Find out who among your old favorites made the cut after the jump...

    Friday, August 6, 2010

    Today in Ron Cook Poetry (and Links)

    Ron Cook introduces a new weapon to his verbal arsenal in today's column about Pitt's response to the allegedly violent conduct of star defensive end Jabaal Sheard:  the conjunction followed by a colon.  Deadly.  With that, we bring you Today in Ron Cook Poetry and some links for the end of the work week after the jump...

    Wednesday, August 4, 2010

    Was the Marc-Andre Fleury Contract a Mistake?

    By Artistry

    One quick way to answer the question posed in the headline would be "No."  The guy won a Stanley Cup in the first year of his 7-year, $35 million dollar deal.  That's a perfectly legitimate way to end the discussion, but it's August, and we'd prefer to prolong it.  Besides, the conventional wisdom regarding goaltenders in the NHL is, undeniably, changing, and recent events warrant renewed analysis of the MAF deal.



    See GTOG's analysis after the jump...

    Tuesday, August 3, 2010

    The Bachelorette Finale Recap: A Retroactive Conversation

    By Artistry and Finesse

    It was with a mixture of relief and pure relief that we took in the final chapter of Ali's Bachelorette journey last night.  The NHL season really cannot begin soon enough.  Without further adieu, please enjoy "The Bachelorette Finale: A Retroactive Conversation."

    Artistry:  Wow, this is really not an emotional rollercoaster. It is not even an emotional Zamboni ride.

    Finesse:  It is something beyond like watching paint dry.  It is like watching paint that has already dried.
    How do you think this going to go?

    Artistry:  Easy one. During her ongoing and mind-numbingly boring off-camera narration, Ali refers to Chris as someone who "would really fit in with my friends," who she "respects," who is "such a good person." Contrast that to the way she is practically trembling in Roberto's presence. I think she loves him with her whole heart.  Wait, Roberto is now stroking Ali's mom's hand ever so tenderly.  Your thoughts?

    Finesse: The family is definitely giving its "blessing" to both Roberto and Chris.  It would be really shocking if her parents say something like, "that Roberto is great, but Chris?  What a douche!"  Instead, we're getting the predictable, "It's up to you.  Ultimately it's your decision."  I think the more compelling component of the family's "blessing" is the remarkable degree to which every person on this show treats emotions, feelings and ideas as if they are tangible objects.  Roberto, Chris and Ali are treating the family's "blessing" as if it was something that is physically handed from one person to another.  At one point during lunch I thought I heard Chris ask Ali's dad to pass the blessing.  Ali also spends a lot of time with these guys trying to "see if there is a spark" as if people who date and like each other actually catch on fire.  And the most egregious examples were the billion times Ali said she was there "looking for love" and "hoping to find love."  I think she got love confused with the Afikoman.

                                                       

    The conversation continues - at great length - after the jump...

    Monday, August 2, 2010

    An Epic Journey...Stay Tuned for Recap

    By Finesse

    I've spent the past 2.5 hours watching The Bachelorette Finale and I've realized that I can't even call it a guilty pleasure because that would mean I feel some sort of pleasure watching this show.  Dear God.

    I have 9 pages of handwritten notes (and counting) and Artistry is currently describing his notes as "copious" despite having an hour left in the regular show (plus the unwatchable "After the Rose" ceremony).  Once we complete our post, we are going to auction off our handwritten notes with all proceeds going to the Mario Lemieux Foundation.  Please try to contain yourself from bidding too high.

    GTOG Movie Preview-Review: Step Up 3D

    By Finesse

    When I think of dancing, two things come to mind.  First and foremost is the "Dance of Champions" performed by the 1991 Penguins in Game 4 of the Finals against Minnesota after Troy Loney got whistled for a 5-minute high sticking penalty with 7 minutes left in the 3rd period and the Pens holding a precarious 4-3 lead.  As you will see when you watch the first 1:10 of this video, it was a beautiful collective harmony of movement.  It was the Dance of Champions.

    The other thing I think of is stepping.  So when I saw the preview to Step Up 3D, needless to say, I was excited.  In trying to narrow down the things I love about the Step Up 3D movie preview to just 10 items, I felt a lot like Sarah Palin must feel when she is trying to decide which of every newspaper in the world she is going to read on a particular day.  There are inevitably going to be tough omissions.  For GTOG's 10 favorite things about the Step Up 3D preview, read on after the jump...




    10. Rick Malambri


    When you saw this guy in the preview, I guarantee you didn't think "Oh my God I know that guy...he looks so familiar...where is he from???"   Well, unless of course you remember him from that one episode of Criminal Minds in 2009 or when he played the "floppy haired guy" from that 2007 episode of How I Met Your Mother.  (His name is Rick Malambri.  Great name for a general contractor, horrible name for an actor).  The director here seems to be going for a hybrid Channing Tatum (star of Step Up) and Wes Bentley, the guy in American Beauty who held the video camera.  I'm not sure if this makes Malambri dumb and creepy or creepy and dumb.


    9. "Everything you need to know is in my dancing"

    When I first heard this, I knew that the proper question to be asking myself was "what is it that I couldn't love about this movie?"  Let's start with the fact that this simple flirtatious exchange makes, literally, no sense whatsoever.  If he could gather what she loves about dancing because it is "in her dancing" then why did he bother to ask?  Also, isn't this a real cop-out answer on her part?  Imagine going into a job interview and the interviewer says, "So, what do you love about teaching?" and you responded, "everything you need to know is in my teaching."  Wouldn't the interview immediately be over?

    Read on for more...