Tuesday, September 21, 2010

GTOPG Follow Up: "We're Back And Ready To Make You Weak Again"

By Finesse

Artistry did perhaps the best summary of a series of events in Get To Our Postgame this morning since David Halberstam chronicled The Fifties.  Seriously, read itAgain.  Artistry waxes poetic about Mike Vick, asking "is it possible that he's a better quarterback now than before he went away?"  It's a fair question to be asked in light of the past few weeks, but as I explain after the jump, Vick should read up on Sisters With Voices and thank his lucky parole officer that Andy Reid is going with Kevin Kolb next week.

The absolute best thing for Mike Vick's career at this point, other than taking Snoopy over Lassie at 10:1 odds, is to be benched for Kevin Kolb.  Vick is a free agent at the end of this season and in terms of setting him up for a big payday (probably the last big contract of his career), nothing could be better for him than not taking another snap this season.  As you can gauge from the reaction about Vick this week, you'd think he was not only back to his Atlanta-self, but had actually reached the potential that so many people seem to forget that he never reached.  Just because he has played 6 good quarters of football does not mean he is "back and better than ever."  Two of those quarters were against Green Bay, who had a lead in the game when Vick came in, hadn't prepared for Vick all week, and oh, by the way, the Eagles lost this game (and Vick seems to be getting a free pass for his boneheaded failure to run into the endzone for a TD when the lane was wide open).  The most recent four quarters came against Detroit.  Sure, Vick looked great, but the Lions have won 1 game in the past 2+ seasons.  Let's not get crazy here.

In many ways, Vick's career parallels Sisters With Voices, the R&B group with hits like "Weak" and...um...yeah, hits like "Weak."  In 1992, SWV released its first album and had a song hit #16 on the Billboard charts (equivalent of Vick getting to the BCS Championship game at Virginia Tech).  SWV's second single, "I'm So Into You" climbed to #2 on the charts, an accomplishment similar in stature to Vick's famous OT run against the Vikings.



SWV's most popular hit, "Weak," reached #1 on the Billboard 100 (equivalent of Vick winning at Green Bay in the 2003 NFC Wild Card playoffs).

It was never time.
Sadly, neither Vick nor SWV could ever reach such lofty heights again.  Vick's passer rating languished in the mid-70's from '03-'07 but still showed enough flashes to tease everyone into thinking he was actually good.  Meanwhile (well, actually 10 years earlier), SWV had about a 72.6 suck rating, recording the soundtrack to Above the Rim, and releasing albums called The Remixes and New Beginning.  Anyone who actually listened to The Remixes knows that it immediately went into The Garbages.

As far as "disastrous career choices" go, SWV and Michael Vick continued to exhibit similarly stunningly horrible decision-making.  SWV's Wikipedia page reveals that after releasing two additional albums in a one-month span in 1997, the group "parted ways to produce various solo projects" which is what I used to tell my friends at camp I was doing when I had to go to the bathroom.  Vick also departed his career prematurely in 2007, albeit to "produce various solo projects" such as creation of hybrid-species of rabid dogs by forced breeding.


You can see where this is going.  SWV got no one everyone excited when they announced plans to record a new album in 2005 just as Vick did with his performance in the first two weeks.  The problem for SWV, other than being SWV, turned out to be that they actually wanted to come back, when they should have just been telling people they wanted to come back.  This debacle led to a reality show called "I Married A Baller" which documents one of the member's marriage to Eddie George, an unforgettable rendition of the chorus of TLC's Waterfalls at the 2008 BET Awards, a spot as a contestant on Survivor: Tocantins, an appearance on The Mo'Nique Show, and, in what is perhaps the most amazing thing I have ever read, a blog titled, "We're Back & We're Ready To Make You Weak Again" (not made up).

What can Mike Vick learn from this?  Two things.  First, don't marry a baller.  Second, if you're going to make a comeback from pursuit of various solo projects, it's probably best upon your return if you leave a little to the people's imagination.  In other words, you are probably never going to be what you were (which wasn't that good in the first place), so the best thing you can do for yourself is to make people think you will be your old self, if not better.  And that's exactly what Vick has done these first two weeks - he's convinced us that he is "back" while simultaneously making us forget that 1) his "back" isn't that great in the first place; 2) he's teased and disappointed us before; and 3) he forced dogs to kill each other for fun.

Vick has nothing to gain by continuing to start for the Eagles.  He isn't going to be better than he was the past two weeks, so playing more can only serve to remind people of his flaws, of which there are many.  If he wants the big money next year, his best bet is to rest on his laurels of Week 1 and 2, be a good citizen, and come back ready to make the Raiders or Jaguars weak again next year.

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