Sunday, August 29, 2010

Steelers v. Broncos: 1st Quarter Live Blog

By Artistry

Nobody's watching, let alone live-blogging an entire pre-season game.  But it's the last legitimate tune-up before the starters take a seat for all but a few plays in week 4 of exhibition season, so let's look in briefly on the Steelers as they face the Broncos in Denver.

15:00 - I'm immediately happy I've only committed to blogging the first quarter.  The Daniel Sepulveda experiment opens with a kick-off directly out of bounds.  Where is Jeff Reed?

So Reliable
Two plays later, Kyle Orton hits Eddie Royal with a quick hitch.  Keenan Lewis explodes into Royal.  Two yards out of bounds.  Personal foul.  Not to be outdone, seconds later Lawrence Timmons slams Orton to the turf late, and the officials tack on another 15 yards.  If this were happening in the regular season, by now I would have assumed the lotus pose and commenced deep breathing.

The Broncos are now in the red zone by default.  Joe Buck reminds us that Kyle Orton is making $8.8 million dollars this year.  James Farrior loses his helmet and is head-butted by a much larger man, but he seems relatively unfazed as he walks off the field.  We're off to a good start here.  Let's review the rest of the first quarter, after the jump...

11:19 - Remember when you thought the Steelers should draft Lendale White?  Don't deny you were thinking it would be a good fit.  Now three teams into his NFL career, White is getting some looks as Knowshon Moreno is out with a hamstring.  He rumbles into the endzone on third-and-short, and the Steelers really can't put that drive behind them quickly enough.

On the ensuing kickoff, rookie Antonio Brown runs it out from like 27-yards deep in the end zone.  This is what we call foreshadowing.  He gets to the 19.  It's supposed to be a foregone conclusion that this kid is our return guy?  Not so fast.

Ben takes the field.  Ben is booed.  Ben looks fantastic on his first play from scrimmage, dropping back and laying a perfect ball in to Mike Wallace, in stride and over the middle for a 48-yard gain.  We're on record here about what we think of Ben as person, but if you have a chance at this guy in the late rounds of your fantasy draft, don't be an idiot.  Take him.  He looks trim and focused.

Rashard Mendenhall gets a couple of carries in a row, spins off some tackles, and matriculates the ball a combined 15-yards down the field.  I want to get excited about this guy, but there's something about him.  I just don't trust him yet.

8:21 - On third and 6 from the Denver 15, Ben missed Mewelde Moore flashing open in the middle of the field.  The Steelers settle for a Reed field goal.

8:11 -  Sepulveda gets another shot on the kick-off.  It's down the middle, but he only gets it to the 12 yard line.  I'm not sure where the benefit is here.

7:01 - Kyle Orton's mustache continues to move the Broncos.  Brandon Lloyd owns Keenan Lewis.  Let that sink in for a minute.  This defense has some issues, I'm afraid.

6:27 - Fox cuts to a shot of a glorious double rainbow.  This guy goes nuts.  So does this guy.

6:21 - Tomlin tells Keenan Lewis he sucks.

Back from commercial, Fox's Pam Oliver tells us that Steelers' players "scurried away" after seeing the gash on Farrior's head on his way to the locker-room.  That's why we need sideline reporters.

5:04 - Fox cuts to Dick Lebeau on the sideline.  This guy is a freak of nature.  He looks terrific.

Born in 1937

4:35 - Britton Colquitt is on to punt for the Broncos.  Is this a coincidence that there is another punter named Colquitt?  A quick Google search gives us the answer:  no.  Britton is the son of former Steeler Craig Colquitt, nephew of former NFL punter Jimmy Colquitt, and brother of current NFL punter Dustin Colquitt.  What does this tell us, aside from the fact that Craig Colquitt bequeaths to his children some unfortunate names?  As I have told Mrs. Artistry time and time again, we need to raise Little Artistry to be a punter.  No other parents are doing this, right?  Aside from the Colquitts.  It really can't be that hard if you train the kid from birth, and it's a solid living.  Ask Britton.

4:22 - Craig Colquitt's son backs Antonio Brown up to the one-year line.  Inexplicably, Brown fields the ball.  He gets to the 4.  Buck and Troy Aikman helpfully point out that this was a mistake.

2:24 - Buck observes that Maurice Pouncey has "a lot of tattoos for a guy who is just 20-years-old."

Ben hits Hines Ward with a couple of quick hits for about ten yards, and that brings the first quarter to a close.

In the comments, please weigh in with your thoughts on the game, and kindly remind me to stop watching preseason football.  I'll probably never learn.


  1. I think you guys should liveblog Bachelor Pad. Way funnier than a pre-season game. Though the fact that anyone is watching a pre-season game is pretty funny.

  2. I didn't get to see the game, but apparently it wasn't a good night for Double D. Was he trying to do too much, or is he what we thought he was?

  3. Lotus is a really important pose. It’s great that you talk about it. My boss, Leeann Carey, is a world-renowned yoga teacher & she says that one legged lotus can help get you to a full lotus. She has a free yoga video on this subject that you should check out: