Sometimes these posts just write themselves. Paul "Biz Nasty" Bissonnette was one of our favorite Penguins of all-time because even though he wasn't from Pittsburgh, everything about him just screamed "Cogo's in Greenfield." He played 15 games with the Pens in 2008-09 and racked up 1 assist and 22 penalty minutes. But with Biz Nasty, it's not about the numbers. It's about the tweets. His Twitter account was recently taken down by the Twitter people because he told Ilya Kovalchuk to "go back to the soviet." Puck Daddy has a marvelous post today that screen-shots his most (in)famous posts. In honor of Ron Cook, who appears to be on vacation from mailing in columns, here are Biz Nasty's best tweets compiled in a poem we will call, "Thanks BP."
Best bum of all time is in Vancouver.
He sings a song about the clap, with spoons.
If you don’t know what the clap is, lookup urban dictionary.
I dump more toonies into that guy than condom dispensers.
At my parent house trying to convince my dad to put his shirt on.
He has a body like a milk bag.
Just gave this guy money on the side of the road.
Love homeless people.
A bird is sitting on my hockey pants and won’t move.
Then it took a shit on them.
What the ef is going on?
Kovalchuck signs for 100 Sheets.
How many lap dances can u buy for that much money?
I make league min and I bawl out of control.
I would be a danger to society if I made 6 shmill a year.
If I made that much every bum on the face of the planet would have a biz nasty jersey.
And if I could afford it season tickets 2.
K got it.
If a strip club was open 7 days a week for 24 hours a day.
U could spend about 11 years of your life getting lapers.
To be more specific about my last tweet.
That’s with 100 mill and 20 dollars a dance.
That’s what I heard people pay.
Kovalchuck is gonna have to give lap dances for 20 years instead of getting them now that he got rejected.
Back to the Soviet.
Lisa Lampinelli is funny, but once again her gender is my main concern.
Her chin hides her adams apple so we are gonna have to go to the judges.
F my life.
Someone call the police.
I was just raped at the gas pump.