When games start that we care about, GTOG will get much more into the analysis. In the meantime, it's mid-July and there is absolutely nothing going in the sports world that really moves our meter. Sorry, British Open. But our legions demand content, so content is what we provide. Later today we will post some thoughts on the various things of interest that have been going on in the sports world, but first some brief thoughts on the ESPYs last night.
- Say what you want about ESPN, but they can do a montage. Even Brooks Orpik was in it. If I had to nitpick, I think the montage of people who died this year later in the show. Sure, that is stealing from the Oscars but it is stealing the second most compelling part of the Oscars behind watching millionaires take themselves incredibly seriously when they play pretend for a living.
- Seth Myers' opening monologue was strong. I was really surprised there were no Roethlisberger jokes, especially because Myers is a Steelers fan. The two best jokes (not verbatim)
- "So LeBron is moving to Miami. I didn't know he was Jewish." (This got very little reaction from the crowd)
- And the one that slayed the crowd: "The ESPY's, where sports and entertainment come together. Kind of like a Kardashian sister's bedroom."
- Most inexplicable line of the show was in the highlights for "Best Breakthrough Athlete" when they played a clip of the Baylor women's basketball announcer saying, "Brittney Griner, the most talked about athlete in the country." I'm not even kidding that I forgot her last name between the time I heard the sentence/started typing until I got to the part of the sentence where I had to type her name. So I googled "baylor womens basketball star" to get the name and the first result was "Video: Baylor women's basketball star Brittney Griner punches a Texas Tech opponent."
- Could Shaun White possibly be taller than 5'4"? And those pants!! He was 100% in women's clothing. He must shop with Frank from the Bachelorette.
- Most inexplicable winner of the night, hands down: Landon Donovan and the US Soccer Team winning "Best Moment" over Joannie Rochette (the Canadian figure skater who's mother died 4 days before the Olympics),
the New Orleans Saints winning the Super BowlDrew Brees holding his baby, and Phil Mickelson winning the Masters while his wife was suffering from breast cancer. GTOG prides itself on its sensitivity, so Rochette should have won in a landslide. Also, I think that Mickelson should have been nominated not because he won despite his wife's breast cancer, but because he won despite his own breasts.
- Closing thoughts:
- Andy Samberg bombed as the German octopus who guessed 8 straight World Cup games correctly. He's usually pretty funny but that was nearly painful.
- Ed Thomas's family was impressive in the highlight video when they accepted the Arthur Ashe Courage award. Ed Thomas is the Iowa high-school football coach who was murdered by a former player.
- Way too much love for soccer and NOTHING for the NHL. I know ESPN doesn't care about hockey (though it would if it aired hockey), but is there anything the NHL can do to increase its profile at events like this? Can't they hire a good publicist with ties to ESPN who can get these guys some good seats and some camera time? Even Jeremy Shockey was on screen for about 11 minutes last night and he hasn't caught a meaningful pass in the NFL. No Kane, no Toews, no Ovechkin, no Sid... The NHL should be more aggressive in promoting itself - it has the best product, but it has to make people realize that. Of course, it is entirely possible that the NHL asked Sid to go, but he never got the call because he was doing knee-highs through frozen sand on the beaches of Greenland to get ready for next season.
- Drew Brees, you are going bald. You aren't totally bald yet, but everyone can see that it is happening in the next 3 years. It's not a bad thing...you are in your mid-thirties. Stop hanging on with those dangling bangs and just own it.
- Will Ferrel's bit as Jeff Vuvezela was clever, but about 6 minutes too long. In other words, it was the opposite of an episode of Entourage.
- Brett Favre can be annoying personally, but his streak of 271 consecutive starts is unreal. Being addicted to pain killers for a large portion of that streak probably helped, but in all seriousness that streak is remarkable.
- "January Jones" could be an adjective to describe Mario. If we get a 5th blogger at GTOG, he is going to be named "January Jones."
- And finally, a classic ESPY opening from Norm McDonald (via Deadspin)